i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Randomize
