Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
