I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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