my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I am one with the molecules
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
