so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Randomize
