Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
