So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
