I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
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