i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
