I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You ate ashes out of my bong
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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