none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
