I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Randomize
