Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
