AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Randomize
