I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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