No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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