Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
