I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
