I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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