I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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