he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
