can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
