apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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