The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
