Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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