like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
