It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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