i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
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