I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
