i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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