That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
