I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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