SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Edward fifth and chaser hands
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Randomize
