I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
You took a bar mat shot.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
