He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
my being single is dangerous.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
