totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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