So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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