maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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