it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
