Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
