I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
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