so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
