the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
it was like his penis was on wheels.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
