I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
