I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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