it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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