Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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