I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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