Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
