Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
