she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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