dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
