Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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